Jur, eram infiniți

O zi de vară cu parfum de vacanță, sfârșitul clasei I, rochie dantelată roz, o coroniță din flori și-un sac de emoții: așa ne-am întâlnit, eu cu Literatura. Cu-o inimă inundată de mândrie și-un zâmbet tâmp pe față cum numai eu mai pot afișa în situații similare, am întins mâna după diploma de premiu’ I (Da, eu eram dintre cei enervanți care învățau din plăcere. Geeks, unite!) și-am ochit o copertă mov pe care scria “Peter Pan și Wendy”. Nu am ținut șirul dăților de câte ori am citit-o, cert e că mai rezistă doar la mila scotchului.

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De-a lungul anilor, relația dintre mine și literatură a mers pe ideea “una caldă, una rece”; de la a aștepta cu groază lista lungă de lecturi obligatorii la a-mi impune să nu intru într-o librărie. Altfel spus, e o relație ‘ca la carte’ (see what I did there?!): a evoluat de la o simplă cunoștință înspre prietenie, și a culminat apoi cu dragoste pură. Nu e perfectă, e cu suișuri și coborâșuri; uneori sunt eu fără chef, alteori aleg să-mi pierd timpul cu alte cele, câteodată mă pierd între alegeri, dar totuși, ne regăsim de fiecare dată una pe alta.

Așadar, într-o ordine lipsită de oarecare preferințe, încep o mini-serie de postări cu ultimele cărți citite.

LR

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER/ JURNALUL UNUI ADOLESCENT TIMID, Stephen Chbosky

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O carte ușoară, chiar foarte. Din toate punctele de vedere. Am ales-o tocmai din acest motiv, eram în căutarea unei lecturi “de tren”. Am început să o citesc în tren, în Italia, și-am terminat-o în avion, tocmai în America.
E cu și despre adolescenți, mai precis despre Charlie – un liceean cu tendințe introspective, inteligent, mult prea înțelept pentru vârsta lui, dar care stă prost la capitolul social. El e de fapt ‘musca de pe perete’ care, involuntar, refuză să participe direct la acțiunile din juru-i. Totuși, finalul cărții e oarecum diferit, în opoziție cu tonul de început, lasă urme de speranță și optimism.
Cunoaștem totul, descoperim personajele doar din perspectiva lui Charlie, mai precis din scrisorile trimise unui străin. Adică, tehnic vorbind, e un roman epistolar. Pentru cei care intră în categoria targetului cărții – adolescenți – e fain de știut că nu e povestea exagerată a unui grup de tineri cu talente deosebite sau puteri supranaturale, e povestea unor liceeni care se descoperă unii pe alții, se luptă cu încrederea în sine, se implică în relații, ies din ele, se confruntă cu drogurile, suicidul și-și croiesc drumul înspre maturitate – toate astea pe fondul muzicii, citind cărți și mâncând sandwichuri.
Nu e o carte care să-ți provoace vreo stare de catharsis, nici pe departe, dar e o carte ok, tocmai bună pentru o zi de plajă. Unde mai pui că autorul face în nenumărate rânduri referință la piesa “Asleep” a celor de la The Smiths. Pentru mine, ăsta a fost un mare bonus. Pentru cei interesați, există și sub formă cinematografică, în plan de vizionare deocamdată.

Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.

He’s a wallflower. You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.

A summer’s day with the scent of holiday, the end of my 1st grade, a lacy pink dress, a crown of flowers carefully placed on my head and a great deal of nervousness: that’s how we’ve met, I and Literature. With a heart flooded by pride and a dumb smile plastered on my face, the kind that only I know how to show in these situations, I’ve reached for the 1st prize diploma (Yep, I was amongst the annoying kind that liked studying. Geeks, unite!) but I’ve set my eyes on a purple cover that had a “Peter Pan and Wendy” title printed on it. I can’t really tell you how many times I’ve read it, truth is the poor thing is at the merciful hands of scotch-tape.

Over the years, my relationship with literature developed over a ‘hot & cold’ principle; I went from dreading that awful moment when we’d be handed the long list of compulsory readings to numerous times of talking myself out of entering bookstores. In other words, we have a by the book relationship (see what I did there?): we evolved from mere acquaintances to friendship that finally culminated with pure love. It’s not a perfect one, it has its ups and downs; I’m not always in the mood to pick up a book, sometimes I choose to waste my time in different ways, or I get lost in the sea of choices, yet we still manage to find ourselves time and again.

So, without further ado, in no particular order, here’s the start of a mini-series of latest reads posts.

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER, Stephen Chbosky

A light book, very light actually. Literally and figuratively. I’ve picked it up for that same reason, I was looking for ‘train riding’ literature. I actually started reading it on a train, in Italy and finished it on a plane, all the way in America.
It’s about and with teenagers, specifically Charlie – a high schooler with introspective tendencies, intelligent, way too wise for his age, all the while being socially awkward. He’s actually a ‘wallflower’, refuses to directly participate to his surroundings. Still, the ending of the book is somehow different opposed to the beginning tone, it leaves room for hope and optimism.
We discover everything and everyone only through Charlie’s perspective, specifically from the letters he sends to a complete stranger. Technically speaking, it’s an epistolary novel. For those of you that are included in the target audience of the book – teenagers – it’s nice to know that it’s not an overly exaggerated story of a group of highly gifted people, there are no supernatural powers involved, it’s a simple story about high schoolers discovering themselves and each other, dealing with self confidence, getting involved in relationships, breaking up, facing the use of drugs and alcohol, dealing with suicide and just making their way into a grown-up world – all of these while listening to music, reading books, sharing and eating sandwiches in a basement.
It’s not one of those books that will give you a cathartic experience, not even, it’s an okay book, perfect for a day on the beach. Bonus point, the author constantly makes reference to The Smiths’ “Asleep” song. For me, that was a major brownie point. For those of you that wanna know, there’s also a movie version that I have yet to watch.

Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.

He’s a wallflower. You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.

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2 comments

  1. uu, abia am asteptat sa scrii despre carti!

    1. Sper că nu am dezamăgit! 🙂 Oricum, asta e doar prima parte a postării, sper cel târziu luni să vină și ce-a de-a doua.

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